Deleted AND Blocked

Saturday, 11/19/05, 8:11am. Text message: "She found out that we have been talking. Shit hit da fan. I had to give her my password to IM. I deleted and blocked you. If you see me, ITS NOT ME!!!" Thats how I started my lovely weekend. I was knocked out, but that damn message woke me out my sleep. I lay there, dozing mostly, and waiting to hear something else. At 8:38am, he sent another one, telling me to check my email. Apparently, the night before, she asked him when was the last time he had talked to me. She even called him and made him come home first so she could ask him this to his face. He told her we hadn't spoken since July. So then her next question was if that was the case, how come my name was still showing up on their computer? He had no idea what she was talking about. In all my years of using yahoo (almost 7), I've never been aware of the lil text file that can be found in the yahoo folder. It's called "ypager.txt" for anyone who wants to go take a look. It's basically a log. It tracks the dates and times of each transaction. It's not an archive; you cannot open it and read the actual convo, but you CAN see for example that Person A (him) sent Person B (me) an IM on such-and-such date and time or whether Person B sent it first. So when she pulled his card and showed him the file, he told her that I had been trying to contact him on and off but that he hadn't been responsive. *insert dry face here* I'm always a bit miffed when I have to hear the lies he tells, apparently without any problem. It makes me wonder, yanno? Anyway, I dunno what happened after that. He said thats when the arguing and fighting started. Fast forward to that Saturday morning again, where they get up, she gets ready for work and then makes him cough up the password. She made him show her his emails - but there was nothing there because we don't email each other on that account anymore. We just IM on that account. He said he deleted me from his friends list and blocked me too. He'd call me later on the east coast cell. Eventually, I did get up, and get in the bathtub so I could soak and mull all this over. I knew he had a busy day that day. We were supposed to go out that night, to a club, but I knew that was a bust. I think I knew we weren't going before I even came out there cuz I didnt even really bring the necessary attire. I really lagged that day...I dont think I left out until around 3 to go meet up with the amazon. He called me (and finally got thru) at around 4:15. He asked me if I had received his messages. I said yeah. I couldn't talk the way I wanted to talk because amazon was with me by then. We were on our way to the mall. (Ooh i spent hella money at Lane Bryant...ugh.) He told me again about the file, but by then, I already knew what it looked like because I checked it from amazon's computer. And before that, my best friend looked at it on hers (she didnt know about this file either) and said there was really no way that he could have lied his way out of this one. The proof is in the puddin'. He said since the night before, she had gone to work of course, and he hadn't been home, but he would be soon, and that the shit would probably kick off again. He told me that he deleted the file, so now she would have to "prove it". Wow. I thought to myself, she doesn't have to prove anything, NOW. Anyway, that was the last time I talked to him on the phone. It was the last time I heard anything from him for the rest of my trip too. Didn't even say goodbye...no telegram, no smoke signal, no morse code, no nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. I even sent an email on Sunday, saying goodbye, tellin' him I loved him and I hoped everything would be all right. I was trying to keep a positive, upbeat attitude. With sadness, I came back home. Monday came and went, with no response to my email...I was starting to get a lil crazed with curiousness. (is that a word?) I thought about it though...I should hear something from him the next day because thats when he works. Sure enough, yesterday morning came along and I had received a terribly dry reply to my sweet email. "Well, im gonna be honest with you. Things over here are far worse than I could have imagined them to be. She had to be seen and medicated for depression. Right now, I don't know anything................talk to you later on........." And I just sat there for a moment, blinking. You know, depression isn't something that just happens overnight. He knows that as well as I do. For now, I'm playing Ms. Understanding. Waiting until he's ready to tell me what the FIZZLE is going on. Sounds ominous. I was feeling unsure, so I sent another email, and said that I had been worried about him all weekend, and that I expected this to blow over. It was up to him how much he wanted to tell me, so that I could understand the situation (I was hoping he would, but nope). Also, I wanted to know if he was mad at me, because he was being so standoffish. His response was: "I dont have ANY reason to be mad at you (do I?). I knew the consequences of all of this when I crossed the line (again). I really dont know whats gonna happen one way or the other, but for right now, my attention needs to be here. I appreciate the fact that you do understand. Talk to you soon....." I told him no, he didn't have any reason to be mad at me, but I was in the dark and helpless...but to do what he needed to do. No response after that. I went over this with my best friend. We think that one of two things happened with wifey. She either tried to kill herself or she had some sort of nervous breakdown. Those are the only things we could think of that would constitute her having to be treated in such a short span of time. I wondered, if that was the case, OMG wouldn't he tell me that? Maybe not, because he would be feeling ashamed that he pushed her to that point. Neither my mother or best friend feel bad for her though - but I feel SOMETHING, because I understand. That didn't stop me from fuckin' her husband though. I wonder if I'm definitely going to hell now.