A Black Eye Remembered

So...I have truly been meaning to get back on here all week. But work was crazy busy and I just didn't have the time for it. I've been thinking about a lot of things all week long. But none of them top today's experience, I don't think. I got a call from the middle child. I told her i'd call her back, cuz I thought I saw some Jehovah's Witnesses going door to door on FB's block, so I wanted to lock the house down before they got to our side of the street. It was right then that I realized my battery was about to die. It would be a minute before I'd be able to call her back. So I put the phone on the charger and went back to watching What's Happening!! There was a marathon on TVLand this past weekend. Awesome. No Roger...No Rerun...No Rent! I didn't get to see that one this time around but I always remember that one alone with Oom-shalla-boom-shock-shock...when Rerun was worshipping the head of lettuce. Anyway...after a while, I realize my phone, which i had put on the table, is now on the floor. I knew the ringer was on vibrate so someone must have called. My daughter again - so I called back. Her grandmother answered. She sounded tired as usual, I didnt think anything of it. I asked if my baby was around, she said, yes, but she needed to talk to me. She told me that her father had gotten into a fight with his youngest daughter's mom and that he was in jail. I asked, did he hit her? Yes, came the answer. WHAT!!! I could practically feel my own eye swelling, just remembering how those small hands could turn into fists of fury. She told me I needed to come get the baby. So I told her I'd be on my way as soon as I got the little one out of the bath tub. Ten years, seems so long ago, but not really. I was hoping that he'd never do that again. *Update* Just called his mom and was told that ol' girl bailed him out of jail. Then he called me and told me his side of the story just now. Says she started it - she got pissed off cuz he wouldn't give her none. So, I'm going to move on to another topic right now. I have a lot of catching up to do. Next....right, so yeah I've been trying to understand my life. Not a simple thang to do. i realized that FEAR is a major component in my life. Major. FEAR is what keeps me from leaving FB. It is FEAR that keeps me from trusting others. FEAR that keeps me from being more confident and sure of myself. FEAR keeps me from being around other people, new people. FEAR keeps me from being alone. FEAR keeps me from going to school, looking for a new job. FEAR that keeps me leaving this house and going back where I want to be - on the other side of the country. So yes, I'm still wishing that I could go back. Wishing alot of things actually. I was pissed off alot this week behind listening to messages on FB's voicemail...lots of them on there from Inga. Apparently she brings him food on the job and thinks about him alot. Did I tell you that he told me the reason he talks to her so much (NOW) is because she has a tumor on the brain? Likely story, hunh? *Update* my baby daddy is on his way over here. So anyway, what else happened this week? Oh the kids went trickortreating. The middle child was a pirate girl - so cute and the lil child was a princess. I have pics on my cell phone. I went to parent teacher meetings all week and it was cool. I should really be MORE involved than I already am though. Um, yesterday i went with FB to his brother's wife's auntie's house for a family gettogether. It was okay. But i dont know why me and him go to anything together, we always end up having some sort of tiff. I did nothing but thing about FMB allllll day long. It's such torture for me. Everytime I touch FB, I'm thinking of FMB. Period. *Update* Baby daddy is upstairs now talking to his daughter. Explaining why he put his hands on ol' girl i guess. The right side of my face is tinglin'. I'll bbl.