"Between Me and You"

What a day as far as convos go...let me tell ya. I got up today knowing that I was going to be talking to FMB early and I was looking forward to it. Ain't i just a fuckin' WUSS? I'm so weak. I was so direct and to the point initially - asking questions the way I wanted to - but I broke him down and he finally said I was giving him a headache. I keep trying to understand WHY he is in contact with me, KNOWING that if she finds out we're talking again, that's gonna be the straw to break the camel's back. He said that he didn't know - he keeps listening to his feelings as opposed to his common sense. So i posed the following question: "if your feelings outweigh your common sense - why don't your feelings for HER keep you from doing what you are doing right this moment?" and His answer was: " between me and you, I dont think this is gonna last b/c of what has happened". Don't you think its interesting that he used "between me and you" - like, who in the HELL am i gonna tell anyway? He also said: "just a gut feeling i think things have been pushed past the point of no return. i havent really invested toomuch more into things here, b/c i am waiting on the day when she says I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. i cant blame her." I find it sooo interesting that despite what i did that he is comfortable enough saying ANYTHING to me about her AT ALL. And this is where he stands at the moment: "since this is the only way i'll see you again, and those feelings are still ALIVE, i would like to act on those feeling in some way and not IGNORE them". Ain't that about a BIA? I mean I'm absolutely blown by this. So - basically...am I some sort of security blanket? I would have to kinda say yes because he's keeping in touch with me because he figures he's gonna lose her either way. But then I could kinda say no because this doesn't mean that he has any desire to be with me anymore - he can't even bring himself to say the L word...I don't blame him, but I did drop it myself a couple of times when explaining how i was feeling. I do not like the fact that there has been such emphasis on all the sexual activity. I mean damn...is that all there is? He says no - because we've been doing without that for so long anyway - I had to laugh that yo. He also told me about things have been really stressful for him. to which i said: "because you had to tell the truth or did you keep lying" and he said: "i had to keep lying to cover up what you said. i didnt admit to anything but it was too much stuff going on and i was about to break down" So I said: "so what was your explanation for me calling her then?" He didn't have one. He just wouldn't admit to anything. So here is another excerpt from the convo (names have been changed to protect the identities...LOL ***I deleted the last part of my post - its too telling and too personal - not for me, for him. It's available for my viewing though in Drafts under the same title***