3-2-1 Contact!

Guess what the hell happened today? Lawd jeezuz. It's fuckin' surreal...today was just too weird. I will have to itemize so I can stay somewhat????focused!!!

• As of last night, I was receiving notes from FMB - and that led up to us talking on IM today
• I went to my daughter's graduation expecting to be her only mommy present - and was disappointed, as I expected to be.
• Later on, FB called me and told me that his son had told his daughter's mother that I could not stand her.
• FMB told me that he has been receiving IMs from someone about me, on yahoo. He still thinks its a co-worker - of mine, possibly of his. He gave me the screen name and I looked up the profile...interesting commentary too.
• My best friend's daughter had three pairs of shoes stolen right out of her house - $300 value.

I think that's good for now...this is what happened. Point 1....I knew that he had been checking the page out; I left him lots of food for thought. So he started his own page with a name spelled backwards for how he felt - like I turned on him. So...I saw the page and I really wish I had saved the text before he changed it...but it said something to the effect of what we had was now NOTHING and how could he trust me again and how could he get over the anger and pain (Insert eye-roll here). He put his age wrong, marital status as widowed. So I wrote a note, I KNEW it was him, I know him so well - I even know he would create a new page. I said: There must be SOMETHING left, because here you are. Pain and ANGER always subside if you have enough room in your HEART to forgive.I'm wondering what your screen name means? If you need someone to talk to I have IM. =) That last line was sarcasm of course. And so he said: spell backwards, thats how I fell after what you did. I'm on the brink of losing EVERYTHING, only because of ONE phone call. Why should I even trust you or how do I know this isnt a setup too? So then *I* said, LOL: if you didn't want me to contact you, why create a whole new page and make a point of hitting my page? you knew that I would know it was you. if you hate me and wish I were dead, then say so. whatever you need to say, say it, and I'll accept it.but if there is really NOTHING here, as u said, then leave it that way. And then HE said: I will be honest. The feeling are still there, but I do resent what you did. I feel I cannot trust you after this. How do I know you wont turn around and get mad again and do the same thing again? How do I know you aren't setting this up to further hurt me? YOur message says that you wanted to talk (im assuming to me), what did you want to say? And then I said: I only wanted to let you know I'm sorry things happened like this. Sorry is not even the word...I don't think there is one that quite fits. I know that this has forever altered what we had. My feelings are still there as well, but that's neither here nor there at this point. I...understand how you feel, and I already knew that was how you felt. I cannot undo what I did, which was intentionally hurt you, and for that, I am truly sorry. I wasn't really thinking like that at the time, but that was the result. I'm not sure why you think I would even be in the position to do the same thing again, but I would not do it again, ever...no. If you think that I am so evil and vindictive that I would do further damage to YOU (because this IS all about YOU, right?), then why are you even putting yourself in the position of making contact with me? At this point he wanted to move the convo to IM, but shit I had left with FB for the evening. So this morning, I logged on and saw him on AOL and MSN both...we talked. I am still NOT understanding why he is putting his ass on the line just to talk. Oh for the fourth point - He has since received another IM from someone who said he "finally stopped talking to the slut from cali". The screenname of the person has on their profile: What you have done has already been done to you two times. I think its one of wifey's friends. He said she believed most of what I said. But not all - what a dummy. I dont feel bad for her anymore at all. She didn't even believe me all the way thru and I didnt even give her detailed info. She better not even think to contact me in the future. I'm confident, anyway, that I will not fall back into a relationship with him, but I very much desire to have that friendship with him again and THAT is it.

Now on the 2nd point about my baby's graduation...OK here's the deal. I have some real issues with FB's supposed daughter's mother. I say supposed because I don't think that is really his daughter, again another day for that. Anyway, the mother's presence has been imposed on me wayyyy too much lately. I been reviewing FB's phone records and OMG the talk time between these two is ridiculous. When I was out of state, he was allowing my baby to call her Mommy and I heard it. He started a dating profile online a few months ago with a paid subscription and she was the one who supplied him with the picture and helped him post it. It was at THAT point that I was really hurt and not comfortable with her anymore - I was cool with her at first. When he had to go to court with his son's mother for custody, I kept his son so he wouldn't have to be privy to that and then found out later that she had been in court with him and he wasnt even going to tell me - I only found out because his son's mother told me. And said their body lingo looked a lil too cozy. Then, I just became sensitive to him to talking to her all the time, and at his brother's wedding she was all up in his face; his dad had a car accident the other day and there she was all in the mix - I mean I understand that to a degree, but when I called FB to find out where he was, he was al Walgreens to find out what was taking him so long to get back here, he said he was getting the Rx for his dad and when I asked him if he was alone he was like...no - this shit is hif fucking fault! And now my baby's graduation, she shows up - I didn't invite her; he did and didn't have the courtesy to tell me. I really hate him for not having common sense and respect. It just turned into this big ugly thing where I got into an argument with FB about it on the phone while I was still at the school...and this lady was even trying to take my child to the after party - NO, that's all right I will do it. And I did it. You would think SHE was the wife and mother around this muffucka the way she all up in the kool-aid. So, it's not that I hate her, I'm just not comfortable around her anymore. So on to the 3rd point - the ogre decide to go play lying snitch to her. When we left the graduation, he wanted to go with her even though I was going to Chuck E Cheese! So I said fine I dont care, bye, see ya (lil fucka). While I'm at CEC, FB calls me and says that the ogre told her that I said I can't stand her. The truth is, I dont remember saying that. But I was really bothered that he would do such a thing. I think FB believed me. I didnt go out my way to call ol' girl and clear my name either though. I am so disgusted with that lil boy I dont even want to see him. I'm glad he's going home soon to his mother.

The fizzifth item - yes the 4th was couvered alongside item one - my best friend's daughter has done so much shit. She is a teenager, almost 16, but i'm like DAMN. One year she lets some friends drive and wreck my friends brand spanking new truck. Then she has a pregnancy scare. Now she in the habit of leaving the do' unlocked and some lil waterhead boy done come in there and stole three pairs of her brand new shoes that her daddy just bought her. Fortunately, the shoes of been recovered cuz my friend (damn I need to find an acronym for her too) went over there and pulled the coattail of the parents. SMH.

Right now I just want to crash. I'm burnt out...I'm tired of people. The only good thing that happened today - well no there was two. One - my baby graduated and I was so proud. Two - at CEC my brother won a toy and he gave it to. A plush Oakland Raiders football. So sweet of him. So I bought him Sin City. I'm out this mickeyflick. Holla at u bitches layta.